Empty Bubble

Posted By: Heather  //  Category: family

Yesterday was AWESOME!  Diva and I had the best time.  I must say, I really enjoy my daughter’s company and sense of humor. 

Of course I gave her a manicure and pedicure, with cute little skull stickers to top them off and make her look “totally rad” (and to piss off x , because pissing him off is what I do best and vise-versa).

For snacks during the movie we enjoyed:  movie theater “pour over butter” popcorn, cashews, and Twice Baked Ben and Jerry’s ice cream (that I fed Diva while her nails were wet and gave her all of the delicious unbaked brownies and unbaked cookie dough she could handle).

We talked about love.  And I explained to her why I was crying when Meryl Streep was singing “The winner takes it all”.  She kept telling me how much she will miss me when she is gone while I put beads in her hair.  

The day with her just went by too fricken quickly.   But, I KNOW that she will remember.  And I will remember painting her cute little toes purple while she tried to hold in laughter and not move (because she has like, the most ticklish feet ever!)  I will remember listening to her sweet little voice while she sang along to the movie.  I will remember looking at her while I fed her bite after bite of ice cream and relished in her cuteness and beauty.  I will remember the softness of her hair while I brushed it smooth.  And I will remember her telling me that she had the best day ever.

Today is the last day with my kids until January 3rd.  It will creep by slowly.  Each day without them will be excruciating and painful.  Like a part of me has been stolen away.  Trying to explain this to AF  (hell, any man in general) is hard.  He doesn’t understand the already forming “empty bubble” inside my chest. 

If I still prayed, I would pray for their safe and speedy return back into my arms.  I would pray that their father won’t be a selfish prick and actually spend time with them.  And I would pray that I wouldn’t miss them so much.  Now I can only “hope” for those things.  Which I guess is “praying” in some sense.

I wish I had some funny video for you to watch at the end of this post.  And not leave you with my sense of dread.  Oh, here’s a really stupid joke:

 Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Girl’s Day

Posted By: Heather  //  Category: family

Today is “GIRL’S DAY”.  I called in Diva “sick” from school so that we could spend the day together.  Just the two of us.  She thinks that it is for her, but really it’s for me.  I feel like I need to have a special day with her before she leaves for her asswipe of a father father’s.

Last night I couldn’t sleep with all the morbid thoughts running through my head.  “What if this is the last time I see the kids?”  “What if their plane crashes?”   “What if asswipe falls asleep at the wheel and crashes the car?”  “What if  (and has been happening every time they go out there) asswipe isn’t watching them and they decided to do something dangerous like:  take the ATV’s out for a spin?”  (like two summers ago when Mr. K. wasn’t being watched and crashed the ATV and it rolled on top of him…..with no adult supervision of course).   ”What if asswipe is at work and they are still sleeping and the house catches on fire?”   

All the what if’s are floating around in my mind  and making me crazy with worry.  I wish I wasn’t like this.  I wish that I could enjoy the time without the kids.  Think of it like I had a free babysitter.  Go out each night.  Go dancing.  Go see adult movies.  Sit in front of the t.v. naked with AF without thinking of them.  But, I fricken can’t seem to do that.  Instead while the kids are gone I’m a complete psycho beeeaaatch.  I cry at random things.  Get depressed that I don’t have tons of laundry to do, or anyone to yell at to pick up their shoes, turn the light out, and to stop fighting.  Instead I wake up every morning dry heaving with stress and lay wide awake with worry every night that they are gone.

So, I’m spending the day with Diva because of the what if’s.  This could be our last “Girl’s Day” together.  We are going to get our nails done, go out to eat for lunch, and rent Mama Mia.  And while we are watching Mama Mia (surrounded by junk food) I will be braiding her hair and telling her how much I love and adore her.  Because, you can never tell your daughter that she is perfect and loved enough.

With that depressing post out of the way.  I saw this video on Dooce a while back and stole it.  It’ll make you laugh I promise! 


Tiny hair, Ice and Beer

Posted By: Heather  //  Category: family

I’d really forgotten what it was like living with a man!  I’ve spent almost 3 years with it just being my kids and me.  So, I haven’t had to deal with/put up with men’s bullshit stuff.

Like WHY when they shave do you (that being me because I can’t stand the sink looking like I emptied a bucket of hair all over it) end up picking up tiny little hairs for FOREVER?  And it’s not easy little hairs that want to get cleaned up.  They are the little fuckers that like to hide in  crevasses and when you try to get the little fuckers they decide to stick somewhere else in the sink.  Yeah, I had forgotten how much this drives me fucking crazy!

I could go on and on with a list of the things that men do in general that drive me crazy but, AF reads this blog and I don’t want him to think I don’t like living with him. (because I do,  I just don’t like picking up tiny little fucking not want to be cleaned up hairs….LOVE YOU SWEETHEART! ;)

My sister wrote me an e-mail on Friday basically saying, “What the fuck woman?  Your posts have been pretty lame lately!  You know you are messing with my schedule when you don’t post something by 9am.  And what the hell happened today?”

So, I called her up and basically said, “What the fuck woman?  Don’t you know that I’m one busy ass woman?   And that AF’s brother just got here?  And I’m lucky if I have time to fucking breath let alone post anything substantial!”

And she was all like, “HEE HEE.  Seriously, you are messing with my schedule!”

And I am all like, “HEE HEE.  Fuck you.”

So, here you go sister of mine.  A substantial post! 

My F-ing car wouldn’t start this morning because it’s -18 below zero.  And we have soooo much shit in the garage that there was no way I could fit my car in it.  So, the kids were an hour late to school because I had to drive AF’s jeep.  Which is really weird to drive because I’m use to driving a mini van.  And all of the streets were a sheet of ice.  So, it was like the scariest drive ever in the human race of driving.  And all I really want to do right now is cuddle up with a blanket in front of the fireplace and watch television.  But, I can’t because, I need to get this posted by 9am Pacific time!

It’s actually been a blast having AF’s brother here!  He has such a different life and looks at our life with fresh eyes.  Here are two really funny things that have happened:

#1.  On our way to pick up Mr. P. from school he saw a school bus.  And said in his broken English to me, “Simpson’s, no real?”

I said, “That’s a school bus.  It picks up kids and takes them to school and then back home.”

He said, “I thought no real.  Only on Simpson’s.”

So, then when I got to Mr. P.’s school and he saw 10 more buses, he was totally amazed.

#2.  He is also completely amazed that the drinking age is 21.  In Argentina it’s perfectly normal for them to start drinking wine about 10 and other liquor at about 14.  PERFECTLY normal !!!  So, he was dumbfounded when I told them that if I let Mr. P. have a drink and someone found out about it, that I could loose my kids and even go to jail.  “Crazy” was all he could say about that.  But, if he thinks that he is getting wine or beer from me he is the “crazy” one! :)

Nada for feliz navidad!!

Posted By: Heather  //  Category: family

It can’t possible be that time of year again can it….I mean now that my house is somewhat organized….Haaa, Haaaa, Haaaa (trying to combine 2 house holds is hell!!!)  Organized into chaos is what it is. 

Well, I haven’t done a God Damn thing for Christmas this year.  Nada.  No tree.  No decorations.  Not one fricken present bought.  Not one stupid Christmas Card sent.  NOTHING.

It’s probably because I will not have my gorgeous and wonderful kids with me for the whole Christmas season.  They leave next week on the 18th and I am already missing them and they haven’t even left yet.  You know what I will be like for the 16 days that they are gone right?  And if you guessed drunk off my ass, you guessed right! (asshole is only taking 4 days off of work the whole time they are there!!!  What an a-hole!)  And, you can just guess what my posts will be like after the 18th??……totally, uberley depressing, with ranting and raving about ass wipe shit for brains-x).

So, AF asked me the other night what I want for Christmas.  That was easy……


 Yep, still don’t have one.  And I deserve a nice mo-fo ring this time! 

My first marriage, well,  we were 18 and 300 dollars sounded like a lot of money to us then.  I wore that tiny, miniscule ring for 10 years.  (and then, for the last remaining 6, just told him that the prongs were getting worn off so I’d better put it in my jewelry box for safe keeping…guess, I knew even then, that he was an ass-wipe waiting to happen).

Man I just re-read that and I’m already sounding depressed.  Fuck.

My little car expert

Posted By: Heather  //  Category: family

Having older brothers has been wearing off on “miss little 9 year old” Diva.

While at a stop light she says:

“Wow, cool car.  That is sooo rad.  Look at the paint job.”


“The one across the street.”  Diva pointing in the right direction.

um, yeah, it was “okay” , whatever I’m not “into” cars

“Oh, are you going to be a car expert now?  What kind of car is that anyhow?”

“It’s a Mustang”

“How do you know it’s a mustang?”

“Because of the little horse on the front.”

I laughed my ass off all the way home.