Today is “GIRL’S DAY”. I called in Diva “sick” from school so that we could spend the day together. Just the two of us. She thinks that it is for her, but really it’s for me. I feel like I need to have a special day with her before she leaves for her asswipe of a father father’s.
Last night I couldn’t sleep with all the morbid thoughts running through my head. “What if this is the last time I see the kids?” “What if their plane crashes?” “What if asswipe falls asleep at the wheel and crashes the car?” “What if (and has been happening every time they go out there) asswipe isn’t watching them and they decided to do something dangerous like: take the ATV’s out for a spin?” (like two summers ago when Mr. K. wasn’t being watched and crashed the ATV and it rolled on top of him…..with no adult supervision of course). ”What if asswipe is at work and they are still sleeping and the house catches on fire?”
All the what if’s are floating around in my mind and making me crazy with worry. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish that I could enjoy the time without the kids. Think of it like I had a free babysitter. Go out each night. Go dancing. Go see adult movies. Sit in front of the t.v. naked with AF without thinking of them. But, I fricken can’t seem to do that. Instead while the kids are gone I’m a complete psycho beeeaaatch. I cry at random things. Get depressed that I don’t have tons of laundry to do, or anyone to yell at to pick up their shoes, turn the light out, and to stop fighting. Instead I wake up every morning dry heaving with stress and lay wide awake with worry every night that they are gone.
So, I’m spending the day with Diva because of the what if’s. This could be our last “Girl’s Day” together. We are going to get our nails done, go out to eat for lunch, and rent Mama Mia. And while we are watching Mama Mia (surrounded by junk food) I will be braiding her hair and telling her how much I love and adore her. Because, you can never tell your daughter that she is perfect and loved enough.
With that depressing post out of the way. I saw this video on Dooce a while back and stole it. It’ll make you laugh I promise!